p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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