Jerry, you need to find god
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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