I hate your face
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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