Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
