I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
