Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
