I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
