was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
