The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
