it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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