...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
