he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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