just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
