He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
