it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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