Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
