Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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