remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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