She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
