Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
