Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
