and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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