apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
no you cant smoke seaweed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
