he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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