So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
