Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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