Please, let me fuck your mom
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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