i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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