this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
