Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
