Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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