Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
