He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
