Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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