I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
