i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
