wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
