I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
