talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
