Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
