Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
