At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
