remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
