im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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