Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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