as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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