He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
