you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
