it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
