I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
